Almost??

From top to bottom goes cd 18, 19, 20, and today 21. 

As far as the clearblue it doesn’t look like anything is happening and I got a circle with no smileys. But the wondfo lh sticks look a little darker and I wonder if I’m gearing up to O and maybe the first one I was gearing up but it just didn’t happen… I guess his is common in people who have pcos and it’s super frustrating… 

I wonder what tomorrow will bring!

Confused 

Cd 20…. I normally get a smiley cd 20, 21, or 22 so I have no idea what is going on unless I missed my surge? I have no idea..dunno why it’s getting lighter….. now granted this is my second cycle post partum so I guess we’ll see what happens. 

Ovulation tests 

So I’ve been using the clearblue ovulation kit for a while now… when I was on Reddit a girl was giving away some wondfo lh strips they expire in August. So I sent her my address and received them a month ago…. 

so I’ve never used these strips… I have no idea how to read these… because I never had to. I do understand that the line needs to be dark or darker than the control line. 


So 99% of the time the clearblue has a line… no matter what… and as I’m getting closer to ovulation it gets darker… I know that you’re really not supposed to read the clearblue sticks but I’m kinda surprised there is no line…. while the wondfo does have A line and I’m surprised how dark it is. I know it’s not positive cause you can clearly see the line isn’t dark enough. I’m just surprised how dark it is in general. 

So if any of you have used these.. can I have a bunch of these darkish colored results for a while or is it usually darker and then bam positive? 

Anyway I’m still on the metformin. As far as side effects I haven’t had any… but now I’m wondering is it even working if I haven’t had any….. hmmm 

Become an actor

I’ve always wondered how it would feel like to be an actor.. adored by many… people want to be with you… see you.. all the time.. they think they know you.. the real you…. always wondering if people are just friends with you because of who you are…. not what you are…. 

I dunno I guess I’d always be questioning everything… I’d probably get annoyed especially if I were a comedian…. people would expect you to be funny on the spot… people do know it’s rehearsed and on a script…. 

how depressing…. and how would you know if you’re acting or not…. how could you fall in love?  Especially if you fall for another actor… are they telling the truth.. or are they acting….. 

I almost would think that dating an actor there would be so much expectation from them… I mean they are real people… with real feelings… they fart and poop… they are real….. I’d think someone who’d date an actor would make it be like when you’re dating someone for the first time and it’s so exciting they could do no wrong…. and that would be frustrating to the actor …. that’s a job! And jobs are left there and then you have life … 

I always wondered people who date them would they think they are dating the person that the actor portrayed in a movie or a show?. 

I only thought of this because I was in my car driving my kids home from school and I had pandora on (love this station app btw) and I have it set to My Little Pony music and they play all kids stuff but also Disney songs… well a song from Alladin came on where the genie is singing and all I could hear was the amazing actor Robin Williams. That got me to thinking of who he was… people just saw him as funny man Robin… but he was deeper… I feel like the last few movies he made… they were dramas and actually made me look at him in another light… but I swear when I watched them he looked so depressed… and maybe that’s what he was going for or maybe it was just him actually showing himself … I don’t know… but in my head I actually thought this “he looks so sad…. I really hope he won’t be one that would commit suicide”….. 

The movies I’m referencing is The Angriest Man in Brooklyn and A Merry Friggin Christmas…. both movies not bad… but I swear I see depression in that man… and unfortunately it was true… 

anyway this is a random post… I was just thinking about…. this isn’t only for actors… just celebrities in general…. like you have millions of people who love you and want to be with you and stalk you…. and you’re feeling extremely alone…. I am not a celebrity but I do know what it feels like to be alone… and to think how some feel alone and then there is this expectation on top of that… man that’s rough…. I don’t think I’d ever want to be a celebrity… yes there is money.. but is money everything? 

Anyway … random thoughts 

Postpartum period

Oh

My

God

This is sooo painful and so awful… I’m bleeding like crazy and cramping so bad… I haven’t had leakage in so long like high school and I’ve been fighting to keep clean and not leak and I went to my friends house for her sons birthday party and I was so uncomfortable and having to go to the bathroom and ugh… and then drive 40 min there and 40’min back…. 

at least my kids did good at the party and both are in bed…. I think I’m gonna get to sleep…. I remember cramping like this last post partum period… and when I was miscarrying… ugh so much pain and so much blood…. 

Anyway enough talking about menstrual cycles… so I spoke with the husband and we agreed we’d try for a baby two natural cycles to see if we can conceive on our own…. so that would put us in the middle of July if we don’t conceive and we’d have to try an IUI. 

So that should be interesting. I keep reading that metformin helped women conceive.. I hope I might be one of those women!

12 dpo update: 

Okay guys… I went to the bathroom and I’m bleeding… first it was a dark brown and now like a bright red.. not sure what to make of this. Because I have never in my life have had an early period.. it usually starts 14-15 dpo 
Is two days early normal? Also this is my first post partum period…I’m guessing this is my period? What do you all think? So should I count tonight as cd 1? 
UPDATE: I had some hope that this could be implantation bleeding.. but today when I woke up it was a bloody massacre. This for sure is my period.. I’m kinda sad cause I wanted to be pregnant… but at least I got my cycle back.