I spoke with my mother on the eve of what would have been my due date. It really got me to thinking. Especially when I have read certain blog posts on here. Where women who have gotten pregnant have said “if you want to stop following my blog I understand, it can be hard to read about pregnancy when trying to conceive.” At the time I agreed and I think that is so wrong.
This is why.
I spoke with my mother and this was at the time she told me my cousin was pregnant again, she had a miscarriage before. I was not happy and she told me this “listen, I love you. I don’t understand how you are feeling, I have never been through it. I know you hurt, I can see it on your face. It must be painful to see others pregnant and having/making families and you’re pushed to the side. But because you feel that way you can understand the happiness that your cousin is feeling. You should be happy for her. Would you want her to be mad at you because you got pregnant. Wouldn’t you want her to be genuinely happy for you.”
I thought about it. Yes I am sad at my situation. I am angry at my situation. In my case I have a daughter who is alive and is in my life. I am grateful for this. I know other women who don’t have this. But there should be a genuine happiness when hearing that others in the same situation are pregnant. Would you want your friends to not be happy for you when you do get pregnant. Yes your child died but he/she is with God. Would your child not want you to be happy? I read the book I’ll Hold you in Heaven, this book changed my life.
We need to stand together and not be so cold. I know it’s easier said than done, there is the question over and over going around in my head. “Why me?” Why do I have to go through this. I’d love for you to read this post God Will give you more than you can handle
This is an amazing read and it’s helped me a lot. As it mentions that the quote we always use “God won’t give you more than you can handle” is misquoted and while we go through the pain we need to realize that God is there for us through the midst of it.
“WHEN WE BECOME AWARE THAT LIFE WILL GIVE US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE, WE FIND A PROMISE: GOD IS FAITHFUL TO MEET US IN THE MESS AND IN THE PAIN.”
So with talking to my mother, with reading these blog posts and this specific post I say to you ladies. Don’t unfollow women who have what you want. We need to come together and support each other. That’s what I think at least. Life is hard, no one said it would be easy. People will always have more than what you have. Life is not always greener on the other side. Maybe we use our energy in a different way. Maybe we put it towards our marriages, our family, home, life, body, garden, job, and many other things. Don’t get me wrong. There have been many times I’ve broken down and couldn’t take it anymore. I reach out to you for strength I get love. I reach out to God I get love. I reach out to family and friends and my husband and I get love, that is okay. I know the anger in my heart wasn’t helping me. It’s not easy when I see someone who had what I want but I brush it off and am okay with how my life is right now. I say to myself that I am okay today.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed my mom always would ask me “how do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time”
So when life is overwhelming and stressful step back and take it in one piece at a time.
mommy this mommy that 
I agree. Even though I too said people could stop following my blog when I got pregnant for the second time. Because I know how hard it was for me after losing my first baby to see pregnant women, or people with little kids or basically hearing anything pregnancy or baby related. But the thing is, even though I am pregnant again I still lost a baby. And it is still hard. I still need support and understanding from people who know how that feels.
Sometimes its stil hard for me when I see moms with two kids because they have both of their babies and I don’t get to have both of mine. But I try to remind myself that I don’t know their story. Or how hard it was for them to have their kids or if they have lost babies too. And even if they didn’t ever lose a baby or have any struggles with getting pregnant its not like I would wish that on anyone. So I try to be happy for every mom.
Beautiful post hon. I’m a little teary-eyed. It’s so true. I used to get so mad at people when they would say, God won’t give you more than you can handle, and I was at my last straw. And I would think, really? Because I can’t handle any of this any more. But then my faith and the love of those around me and all you wonderful ladies in this community would get me through it! I completely agree with you! I too have felt so sad when I kept seeing the the pregnancy announcements, but I have also drawn so much hope from all the wonderful ladies on here that have made it to the other side. And now that I’m pregnant again, their stories give me so much hope that this one might be different and might just make it too. Praying so hard you get to announce your own bfp very soon hon ❤
🙂 thank you
I agree, but think we also have to respect others’ grieving processes.
It’s okay to be hurt.
And it’s okay to be angry.
It’s part of the process.
And, I guess, if her process includes unfollowing blogs, then so be it. Who am I to say that’s wrong, if her heart says that’s what needed.
Heart,
Dani
I agree but I also believe that there is a point that we need to be there for our fellow women who need our support. I hope I’m not coming across as saying women shouldn’t grieve and they should get over it. I don’t mean that. I’m saying after grieving when feeling better we should turn around and help others.
I completely agree. I just know a few women who have unfollowed and unfriended…and I get it.
Not what I would do.
But I get it.
I do too. 😦
❤