With our house still not being done.. It moves our close date another week or two… With that my mother in law will soon be leaving and I’ll be losing my live in baby sitter. Which isn’t good. It’s been tough packing with an almost 2 year old running around. Having her live with us for this time has really helped me out and has kept my daughter occupied and me not feeling like I’m abandoning her…
I’ve managed to pack up the kitchen, living room, dining room, and our bedroom. Of course because we don’t have a close date nor do we have a move in date, I am forced to keep the essentials like towels, cooking items..and clothing… Which is hard because when we do move I need to find boxes for these items..
With all the chaos and my mother in law living here with us I’ve felt severely distant to my husband. I think it’s the stress and the disappointment of this cycle. When I texted my husband the day I found out about the bfn he was sad… It made me sad too, like my body failed me and him.. But more like I was to blame..
I thought this cycle would be so perfect. We timed everything so well.. But such is life I guess. So I’m feeling isolated.. And lonely and just depressed and I just want to be in my new home. I want to be able to relax and enjoy my daughter and my husband. I want to be able to feel like me again. The outcome of this cycle has really gotten me down. I was sooo for sure this was it.. And I’m getting tired of waiting. I’ve gone 3 cycles already since the miscarriage .. From 80 days.. To 50.. And now back to 36.. Which is good but at this point I thought I’d be pregnant by now…
I don’t know anymore.. I just feel like I am so alone. Like no one cares and I could disappear and really it wouldn’t even matter. This might be the AF talking.. But I’m just feeling crappy.. And sleep is my only release from this reality.. Sigh
mommy this mommy that 